A leaked report suggests this radical response to an estimated £5.8 billion worth of flood damage after the recent spate of Storms with Names - or bad weather, as it used to be called.
Environmental advisers had the idea while on a fact finding trip to Acapulco during the crisis in Cumbria and Yorkshire as they enjoyed drinks at a floating bar in the swimming pool of their five star hotel.
“This is what they need in the North of England,” Giles said. “Pubs on stilts.”
“But won't their woad wash off in the water?”
“You can get non-run face paint these days. A friend who lives just the other side of the Watford Gap told me.”
“Why not put their houses on stilts and have integral mooring spaces instead of garages?”
“Brilliant blue-sky thinking, Boris. I think we're on a winner with this. We can have another week on the tax-payers while we work out the details.”
The idea is not new. Houses on stilts have been around since the Neolithic and Bronze Age and are popular along the river banks of South America. They were so prevalent around the shores of Lake Maracaibo that Italian explorer Amerigo Vespucci named the region Venezuela, or Little Venice. And because of bad weather, stilt houses are becoming increasingly popular along the Gulf Coast of the United States.
The leaked report suggests building floating villages of low-cost wooden terraced stilt-houses, each with its own canoe, for low lying areas. Metro ferries could take commuters and shoppers to dry land facilities. There would also be a market for luxury detached floating dwellings - or Arks - able to withstand any deluge or even The Deluge. These select homes would be moored around purpose built yacht clubs.
This attractive alternative living concept, say Giles and Boris, could be financed by offering tax incentives to private developers, would also save spending on flood defences in the North and leave more money for the South. No brainer, they say.