This is a line deadpan comedian Colin Crompton made about Morecambe, another seaside resort with a sleepy reputation. Crompton, a classic comic of British variety, was the fictional chairman at The Wheeltappers and Shunters Social Club on TV in the 1970s.
He had a routine that made fun of Morecambe: “It's like a cemetery with lights … Stockport with sea … for excitement they go to the grocery store and watch the bacon slicer. Nice girl.”
There were complaints from both the resort and chairmen of workingmen's clubs who alleged he made them look daft by ringing a fire bell to shout: “Order round the room” and make announcements such as: “The pies have come” or “On behalf of the Committee, I should like to tell you we made a mistake in offering the raffle prize of a diving suit. It is, in fact, a divan suite.”
Many years ago, I was at a workingmen's club to watch Ray Dorset and the band Mungo Jerry when the chairman rang his bell halfway through their major hit In The Summertime to say: “Excuse me, Mr Mungo”, before announcing last orders at the bar, followed by: "Carry on, Mr Mungo."
Never has a rock band been so nonplussed.
Colin Crompton's finest hour at the Wheeltappers came when he interrupted ventriloquist Ray Alan halfway through his act. “Excuse me Mr. Alan," he said. "We've had some complaints that they can't quite hear you at the back. Could you hold your dummy a little closer to the microphone please?"