DEPORT me now. I just failed a UK Citizenship Test.
A recent survey by Privilege Insurance said most Britons would fail so I had to give it a go.
To become a citizen you must pass a language test, have spent a period of time living here and have no criminal record. You must also take a test that must be completed in 45 minutes. A 75% pass mark is required. Last year, 36% of would-be citizens failed. They could take it again, but at £50 a shot it's not cheap and it's not easy. The survey suggests home-grown Brits might fare even worse.
I had a look at several versions of the test which are available online. The questions range from obvious to difficult, through devious, confusing and obtuse. I didn't know when the Battle of Bannockburn was fought. Who would, apart from a pub quiz expert? But in case you're planning on taking the test, it was 1314. That's almost a quarter past one.
The fine for not having a TV license? I guessed £200. Turns out it's £1,000. Better check where mine is. But I knew where Anne Boleyn was beheaded and that the Age of Enlightenment was not called Hogmanay. Unless you're a Scotsman, that is. He might insist Hogmanay is always enlightening.
When I finally took the Test for real, I scored 15 out of the 24 questions, which is only 62.5%, which makes me a failed Brit.
So if I am due for deportation, can I ask Immigration Enforcement officers to send me somewhere warm with a nice view? And can I have a re-settlement fee with that?
A recent survey by Privilege Insurance said most Britons would fail so I had to give it a go.
To become a citizen you must pass a language test, have spent a period of time living here and have no criminal record. You must also take a test that must be completed in 45 minutes. A 75% pass mark is required. Last year, 36% of would-be citizens failed. They could take it again, but at £50 a shot it's not cheap and it's not easy. The survey suggests home-grown Brits might fare even worse.
I had a look at several versions of the test which are available online. The questions range from obvious to difficult, through devious, confusing and obtuse. I didn't know when the Battle of Bannockburn was fought. Who would, apart from a pub quiz expert? But in case you're planning on taking the test, it was 1314. That's almost a quarter past one.
The fine for not having a TV license? I guessed £200. Turns out it's £1,000. Better check where mine is. But I knew where Anne Boleyn was beheaded and that the Age of Enlightenment was not called Hogmanay. Unless you're a Scotsman, that is. He might insist Hogmanay is always enlightening.
When I finally took the Test for real, I scored 15 out of the 24 questions, which is only 62.5%, which makes me a failed Brit.
So if I am due for deportation, can I ask Immigration Enforcement officers to send me somewhere warm with a nice view? And can I have a re-settlement fee with that?
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