This was all right in the golden days of 19th century entertainment when variety star Le Petomane played to packed houses in Paris, including crowned heads of Europe, as a professional flatulant.
Highlights of his act included cannon fire, thunder storms, playing O Sole Mio and blowing out a candle from several yards away. Edward, Prince of Wales, was said to be well impressed.
Johnny Depp once said of Le Petomane: "He was a true artist. I'd play him in a minute."
Unfortunately, the type of flatulence most practised today is informal and often offensively odorous. Some believe it acceptable in male only company. Others, who enjoy blowing their own trumpet, impose it anywhere.
I had a friend who excused it by quoting his mother's health advice: Where ere you be, let the wind blow free. Which is acceptable in private circumstances but not in a crowded pub.
The statistic, that a third suffer from the condition, comes from a survey by Pharmacy Outlet which also discloses that a third of the population suffer from smelly feet. Pity the few who suffer from both.
While there is always a humorous side to body odours, the firm points out they could signify something more serious. The conditions can indicate problems such as irritable bowel syndrome or fungal infections.
"Seemingly innocuous ailments can develop into more serious conditions," a spokesman said.
Such as letting drop a smelly one in mixed company.
“Have you just farted in front of my wife?”
“Sorry. I didn't know it was her turn.”
Cue for a smack in the face.