THE long and the short of it are always picked on.
We have laws that protect equality yet if you are short or tall you are fair game for being poked fun at by anyone of medium height. And if you don't laugh, you don't have a sense of humour.
John Bercow, House of Commons Speaker, said: "Whereas nobody these days would regard it as acceptable to criticise someone on grounds of race or creed or disability or sexual orientation, somehow it seems to be acceptable to comment on someone’s height, or lack of it."
At five foot six, he should know. He's been called a stupid, sanctimonious dwarf, before now.
I've put up with comments all my life for being on the short side. But, as my mother said, they don't make diamonds as big as coal bricks.
As a short person, I have always had tall friends. At school, my best mates were two prop forwards, I shared a flat with a chap who was six foot six. I played inside right to a centre forward who was seven foot tall. I drink with two chaps who are well over six foot and if I stand between them and put my arms out we look like rugby posts.
I'm used to the banter I'm supposed to accept with a smile: Stand up. Oh, you are standing up. I also know the jokes tall people are supposed to laugh at as if they've never heard them before: What's the weather like up there?
Oh how they chortle.
Plus points for tall people are that they can always get served in bars and reach top shelves. On the minus side, they have problems finding trousers long enough and have trouble fitting into an aeroplane seat.
Being short means you often can't get served in bars and you can't reach the top shelf and you always have to have your trousers shortened. On the plus side, an aeroplane seat is no problem.
Tall and short people both have a sense of humour but also a sense of social decorum. They could retaliate by pointing out the physical defects of others but rarely stand back, hands on hips in faux shock, and say: "By heck, but you're ugly. Did you fall out of the Ugly Tree and hit every branch on the way down?"
We're not like that. We have learned to accept the facile humour with equanimity and treat it with the antipathy and disdain it deserves. My tall chums are above it and it goes straight over my head.
We have laws that protect equality yet if you are short or tall you are fair game for being poked fun at by anyone of medium height. And if you don't laugh, you don't have a sense of humour.
John Bercow, House of Commons Speaker, said: "Whereas nobody these days would regard it as acceptable to criticise someone on grounds of race or creed or disability or sexual orientation, somehow it seems to be acceptable to comment on someone’s height, or lack of it."
At five foot six, he should know. He's been called a stupid, sanctimonious dwarf, before now.
I've put up with comments all my life for being on the short side. But, as my mother said, they don't make diamonds as big as coal bricks.
As a short person, I have always had tall friends. At school, my best mates were two prop forwards, I shared a flat with a chap who was six foot six. I played inside right to a centre forward who was seven foot tall. I drink with two chaps who are well over six foot and if I stand between them and put my arms out we look like rugby posts.
I'm used to the banter I'm supposed to accept with a smile: Stand up. Oh, you are standing up. I also know the jokes tall people are supposed to laugh at as if they've never heard them before: What's the weather like up there?
Oh how they chortle.
Plus points for tall people are that they can always get served in bars and reach top shelves. On the minus side, they have problems finding trousers long enough and have trouble fitting into an aeroplane seat.
Being short means you often can't get served in bars and you can't reach the top shelf and you always have to have your trousers shortened. On the plus side, an aeroplane seat is no problem.
Tall and short people both have a sense of humour but also a sense of social decorum. They could retaliate by pointing out the physical defects of others but rarely stand back, hands on hips in faux shock, and say: "By heck, but you're ugly. Did you fall out of the Ugly Tree and hit every branch on the way down?"
We're not like that. We have learned to accept the facile humour with equanimity and treat it with the antipathy and disdain it deserves. My tall chums are above it and it goes straight over my head.
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