So I was devastated to read that, according to The Office for National Statistics, a hipster now has a designer beard, likes speciality coffee, craft beers, vintage, gentrification, saving the planet and veganism, knitting and urban bee-keeping, prefers typewriters instead of laptops and bicycles instead of cars.
Good grief, has the world gone mad? That's not being hip, that's being a poser of the worst kind. Pardon me while I retire to an enclosed room for a dose of Monk and a chapter of On The Road.